IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
