This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
