just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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