Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
where are my eyebrows?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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