Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
