I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i now understand why vodka
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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