you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
