I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
