Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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