Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
