dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
