I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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