If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
