so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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