We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Everyone says I win the strip club
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
