I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
