If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
