dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
