Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
