Moan for me like Helen Keller
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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