I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
