I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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