She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
