I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Bring me that man meat
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
