I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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