ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
