How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
please come you make the beer taste better
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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