im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
