new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
