what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
