We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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