if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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