It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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