oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Is Oprah even human
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
