Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
