If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
