Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
