there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I want to fling myself into the sun
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize