She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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