Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
