That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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