that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
