I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
