An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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