your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Randomize
