Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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