Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
