I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She swung at the pinata with crutches
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
