Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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