Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
