Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
