I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
