My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
