Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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