I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
