I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
