remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
