my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
