I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
