My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize