She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
