you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
