Where did you get a picture of my penis
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
