I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
