he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
