i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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