Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
