I will die if light touches me.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
