Can i not drive my cunt home
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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