He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
