So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
