Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
