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i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
