I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize