i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
