Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
