Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
