I heard we made out
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
