One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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