Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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