trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize