I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
