How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
