i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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