Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
