If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
