I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
nutella sex= disaster
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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