...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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