If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
