Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
