I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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