He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
