Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
