I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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