We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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