Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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