I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
