Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
