Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
