they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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