I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
