I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
