I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
