It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
