DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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